- You can enjoy a beer all month.
- Beer stains wash out.
- You don't have to wine and dine a beer.
- Your beer will always wait patiently for you in the car.
- When beer goes flat you toss it out.
- Beer is never late.
- Hangovers go away.
- A beer doesn't get jealous when you grab another beer.
- Beer labels come off without a fight.
- When you go to a bar, you know you can always pick up a beer.
- Beer never has a headache.
- After you have a beer, the bottle is still worth a dime.
- A beer won't get upset if you come home with beer on your breath.
- If you pour a beer right, you will always get good head.
- You can have more than one beer a night and not feel guilty.
- A beer ALWAYS goes down easy.
- You can share a beer with your friends.
- You always know that you are the first one to pop a beer.
- A beer is always wet.
- Beer doesn't demand equality.
- A beer doesn't care when you come.
- You can have a beer in public.
- A frigid beer is a good beer.
- You don't have to wash a beer before it tastes good.
- Beer always comes in multiples of six.
- Beer doesn't mind being in the "wet spot" that IT left.
- You can't catch anything but a "buzz" from a beer.
- After you have a beer, you're committed to nothing other than dumping the empty bottle.
- A beer never costs you more than five dollars and never leaves you thirsty.
- When your beer is gone, you just pop another.
- You rarely (if ever) find beer labels on the shower curtain rod.
- Beer looks the same in the morning.
- Beer doesn't look you up in a month.
- Beer doesn't worry about someone walking in.
- Beer doesn't worry about waking the kids.
- Beer doesn't get cramps.
- Beer doesn't have a mother.
- Beer doesn't have morals.
- Beer doesn't go crazy once a month.
- Beer always listens and never argues.
- Beer labels don't go out of style every year.
- Beer doesn't whine, it bubbles.
- Beer doesn't have cold hands/feet.
- Beer doesn't demand legality.
- Beer is never overweight.
- If you change beers, you don't have to pay alimony.
- Beer won't run off with your credit cards.
- Beer doesn't have a lawyer.
- Beer doesn't need much closet space.
- Beer can't give your herpes or other nasty things.
- Beer doesn't complain about the way you drive.
- Beer doesn't mind if you fart or belch.
- Beer never changes its mind.
- Beer doesn't tease you or play hard to get.
- Beer never asks you to change the station.
- Beer doesn't make you go shopping.
- Beer doesn't tell you to mow the grass.
- Beer doesn't mind seeing Chuck Norris and Charles Bronson flicks.
- Beer is always easy to pick up.
- Big, fat beers are nice to have.
- Beer doesn't pout or play games.
- Beer NEVER says no.
- Beer is easy to get into.
- Beer never complains when you take it somewhere.
- Beer doesn't need to go to the 'powder room' with other beers
- Beer doesn't wear a bra.
- Beer doesn't mind getting dirty.
- Beer doesn't complain about insensitivity.
- Beer doesn't use up your toilet paper.
- Beer doesn't live with its mother.
- Beer doesn't blow you off.
- Beer doesn't care if you have no culture or manners.
- Beer doesn't bitch, yell, or cry.
- Beer doesn't mind football season.
- A beer won't make you go to church.
- A beer is more likely to know how to spell "carburetor" than a woman.
- A beer doesn't think baseball is stupid simply because the guys spit.
- A beer doesn't think DOS is pronounced "dose".
- A beer doesn't give a fuck if you keep a bunch of other beers around.
- A beer will not insist that those odious Michelin commercials with babies are "cute".
- If a beer leaks all over the room, it smells kinda good for a while.
- A beer will not call you a sexist pig if you say "doberman" instead of "doberperson".
- A beer won't get a job as a DJ and play 5 straight hours of lesbian folk music on your favorite radio station.
- A beer won't claim that the Three Stooges are shitheads.
- A beer won't raise a fuss about a little thing like leaving the toilet seat up.
- If you mention a "three-hundred-fifty cubic-inch V8" around a beer, it won't think you're talking about an enormous can of vegetable juice.
- A beer won't whine that seatbelts hurt.
- A beer won't smoke in your car.
- A beer won't argue that there's no difference between shooting down an unidentified aircraft in a war zone and blowing a Korean airliner out of the sky.
- A beer will never buy a car with automatic transmission.
- A beer will actually *support* belching and farting and share your enthusiasm for getting them included as demonstration sports in the 1992 Olympic Games in Barcelona.
- A beer is always ready to leave on time.
- A beer never fishes for compliments.
- Some beers (e.g. St. Pauli Girl) have fabulous tits.
- Beer tastes *good*.
- If you take a beer outta the fridge just to look at it but then decide to drink it, the beer won't accuse you of "date rape".
- A beer won't raise any objections to an evening of watching "John Holmes' Greatest Hits" on your VCR.
- An ice-cold beer will nonetheless let you have your way with it.
- A beer won't make you pick up some tampons when you go to the grocery store.
- A beer won't accuse you of lying when you say you read Penthouse "just for the articles". (You *are* lying, but the beer won't accuse you of it.
- A beer won't worry that you'll go to jail if you videotape a Giants game without the expressed, written consent of the National Football League.
- A beer won't fill up your car with cheesy 85-octane gas with the excuse : "But I saved a quarter !"
- A beer will *never* make you go to an US movie.
- A beer will *never* make you turn off "Fists of Fury Theater" on channel 5 on Saturday afternoons.
- A beer won't accuse you of being a sexist pig if you say "Gene Hackman" instead of "Gene Hackperson".
- A beer won't make you eat some experimental vegetarian meal that tastes like STP Oil Treatment.
- When you're through with a beer, the thought of another beer doesn't make you ill.
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